Thursday, March 23, 2017



I was called to serve in the Paris, France mission.  A dream come my dreams.  The reality of it was terrifying.  As an introvert with food issues the mission field paralyzed me.  The MTC was a party (as much as studying the Gospel and French can be a party), but arriving in Paris made it real.

I don't completely understand my kinship to Paris, but I truly felt like I belonged there from the moment I stepped off the plane.  The missionaries took us out to preach and street contact right after we arrived at the mission home.  I asked the first person if they could tell me about "this hat" instead of castle (chapeau instead of chateau).  That is when I knew I couldn't do this.

Missionary work was not for me.  Talking to strangers? What was I thinking?!  Speaking another language?!  UGH!  Then I realized I was trapped in France. Forever.  I think it was my first panic attack.  My heart felt hot and expanded and pounded in my chest.  The world seemed blurry.  Voices swirled in my mind.  It was the worst!  "I can't do this...I can't do this..."  I've never thought that in my life!!   I prayed in my swollen heart, "how can I do this?!"

Peace.  One day at a time.  Focus on today.  Calm.

"I can do this". Heavenly Father spoke peace into my heart, encouraged me to see my mission as independent days and not by the mission as a whole.  What a blessing.  I had to focus on the seven day planner and not think too far past that.  This same answer came to me several times throughout my 18 months and kept my feet on the ground.

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